*sigh* legless in ft worth *pout*

well, guess what? after much coaching and talking and persuading and hoping and even praying, the stinkin things STILL don't have legs - nor do they have any signs of nubbies that could perhaps one day become legs. i'm doomed to have legless frogs. do they make wheelchairs for frogs that never sprouted legs? i should start looking for a couple.

i'm leaving for galveston early in the morning for a 'family vacation'. some of us - six, to be exact - are riding in a van. gee, won't that be fun?? i think i'll double my dosage of dramamine and skip out on all of that excitement. and if i'm drugged, i won't have to drive!!! but i *am* looking forward to laying out on the beach and *shopping*!! somewhere i have to find a beautiful suntanned brunette to bring home :o) HI, GUY!!

kenny chesney married the 'you had me at hello' girl. excuse me while i barf. and that's all i have to say about that.

so i have a question for you guys - if you could spend 24 hours living someone else's life, who would it be, and why? i think i would like to trade places with oprah... she gets to spend time with the coolest people, and she has the means and the desire to help people who actually need it.

this saturday is 'stamp out hunger' saturday. before your letter carrier arrives, put some non-perishable food items by your mailbox so they can donate it to your community.

no matter how tainted or horrible you think you are, you are still a tool of God.

the plight of the legless frog

i have been trying to get these tadpoles to grow legs for months now. MONTHS! i've had them in the shade, i've had them in the sun, i've fed them a little, i've fed them a lot, i've changed their water, and nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. there's a little creek by my apartment that i take my daughter to when she feels like 'exploring', so i had an idea. i figured they might not be getting what they need out of bottled water (which is what the frog booklet they came with recommends), so i went to get them some creek water and algae. so...off i go. i filled up the cups and the bowl, and i start walking around checking stuff out. bass, perch, minnows, turtles, you name it! i see this little head sticking out of the water, and i moved over into the shade so i could see into the water...i wanted to know what was attached to the head. big mistake. HUGE! i look down and the head is attached to a 3 and a half foot long WATER MOCCASIN. cripes! those little suckers will chase you!!! not to mention, they've got a seriously poisonous bite. so i wait...stand completely still...until the thing swam away and buried itself in a hole in the embankment. good lord. nothing that scary has happened to me since the electricity went off at 3 am and i couldn't find my cellphone! (i'm afraid of the dark, remember?) these legless frogs are becoming a big pain in my arse. its time for them to get with the program - FROGGIES, LISTEN UP: GROW LEGS OR BE FLUSHED.

what in the sam hell do you do with a legless frog?????

one pin

hellooooooooooooooooooo!!

kate (my cousin's wife) had her surgery early this week. she's doing well. thank you so much for all of your prayers. they are greatly appreciated.

speaking of prayers - hi, christy! i've missed you - hope you're doing well. you still make me proud.

so...i went bowling with some friends and our kids this weekend. kids in one lane, big kids (us morons) in the other. just for the record - i suck at bowling. i should have been bowling with the little kids - but even then, my daughter - my own flesh and blood - would have beaten me. how is that possible? she's 7!! shouldn't she suck at bowling, too? my problem through a lot of the games was - i could knock down all of the pins, save ONE. one stinkin' pin. *sigh* i royally suck at bowling. maybe the kid beat me because they had bumpers on their lane. will they do that for the big kids? i probably should have asked.

my ex-husband is leaving today for bahrain. he's in the navy. we're calling this his 'finding a third wife' mission. see, he left me over the phone from 1500 miles away the day before he was supposed to go on his 6-month trip on his ship. 'i don't love you anymore - i want a divorce'. then *poof* he was gone. when he came back, there was a new woman, and shortly thereafter, she was pregnant with his baby (while he was still married to me). so...i wonder when wife #2 (the wicked stepmother) is going to get her call...maybe then she'll know what its like to walk a mile in MY shoes. that makes me smile a little. you see, i know something is up. the last 2 times i've met him to exchange the munchkin, he's been on his trusty little cell phone. but the second he sees me, he hangs it up - very abruptly. can't wait to see how this turns out. its almost like watching a soap opera.

hmmmmmmmm...what else do i have to talk about?

oh, i know! my daughter got one of those frog habitats for christmas, where you send off in the mail for tadpoles and you watch their metamorphasis into frogs. its only supposed to take 4-6 weeks for the complete change to take place. we've had these stupid things for THREE MONTHS, and still no sign of legs. nothing. nada. i think they sent me legless frogs. what am i supposed to do with them??? is there some sort of foundation for frogs born without the ability to grow legs? should i start one? or perhaps a rescue society??

my constantine was voted off of idol last night. i'm gonna miss his cheesy performances. and now i'm stuck with bo bice and scott savol? yick. at least i know now that carrie has a better chance of winning. you go, girl!

1 Cor 15:10
But by the grace of God, I am what I am

my voice

hello again. i know, its been awhile. some things - bad and good - happened all at once, and for what seemed like an eternity, i lost my inner voice. i lost the desire - the need to be heard. i quit a job i dearly loved because of the unfair rantings of an unprofessional boss. i got a new job working less and making more, which allows me to spend time with my daughter, which is more than i could have hoped for. but in the process, i feel i lost some very good friends. i miss felipa and desi, my geese...and shortcake. the day the crap went down at my office, i was supposed to have left town to see a man that i greatly respect and care very deeply for retire from his career in the USMC. i couldn't make it - and was too shaken to verbalize to anybody what had happened. embarrassed, actually. so i lost a group of friends there, too. i miss all of you dearly - please know that. you are in my thoughts and my prayers daily.

so, strangers and friends, here i am again, aching to use my voice. dying to communicate with outsiders again. geez...when i type that it sounds so melodramatic. but i've missed this. its good to be back!

i'm working for a mobile diagnostic company now. when i'm not testing in other doctor's offices, i'm working from home. that's great. its cool. i can pick pete up from school every day, and that's been great for her. and for me. we get to spend a lot more time together, and its been a lot more productive. she gets her homework done faster, and we don't have to fight about it because i'm not in such a hurry to get her fed and into the shower...and then to bed. i couldn't have asked for a better job.

i have a cousin, david, in baghdad. he has a wife, kate, and three children. when he calls, he tells her he's on a base, he's not going into the towns, and that he's safe. we all know he's lying, but...she doesn't. bless her heart. he's in the national guard - this is the second time he's been away. the first time, he was a security guard for the director of homeland security. this time he's going into the villages in and around baghdad, going to homes of known informants and questioning them to find more information. but kate thinks he's safe. however - kate is not. kate was diagnosed with breast cancer. she's opted to - get this - have a double mastectomy. she fears the cancer. but it can come back - anywhere. so david gets to come home and help care for her and their children for awhile. dave and kate don't need - don't deserve - this kind of stress and heartache. they've come so far together - love each other so much. but their faith, they insist, will get them through. pray for them.

you know what i did a few weeks ago? i went to my grandmother's grave for the first time - she's been gone for almost five years. gosh, it was surreal. i was a pallbearer in her funeral- i carried her there, much like she carried me through a lot of my life. it was hard to go there. but i needed to go there. i don't know if i'll ever go back. her kitchen table is at kristi's now. things are as they should be - we still sit at that table and talk. its like going home almost.

its funny, the way you find out who your true friends are - who really has your back. i haven't heard from anyone at the office in over two weeks - a few of these people self-proclaimed 'friends'. but jamie - she's the best. talks to me all the time. i'm a lucky girl - the good ones have been weeded out. i guess its just the natural progression of things.

what else can i say here? i've missed you guys...missed typing to you. but i'm back now - will write often. promise.

rage against the dying of the light.

i wonder...

things are a little slow at the office today. little d and i have spent some serious time playing solitare and surfing. so we started talking, and i said 'i wonder what our parents did at work when they got bored - you know, before the days of the internet and computer games?'

well...i really do wonder. surely they got bored at some point. did they talk on the phone? probably not...phone conversations weren't all that popular back then. so what does that leave me? converstaions - maybe. reading the occasional magazine - perhaps. thinking up ways to get revenge on your crappy boss - likely. food fights - only if they were lucky. boredom does strange things to people, huh?

i'm listening to a cd that i burned last year. i put 'the pina colada song' on it. it just came on - I LOVE THIS SONG!! i don't know why! it also has an old paul davis song on it ' '65 love affair'. that was the very first song that my dad taught me to sing. aaaahhhhhhhh...memories. some people have memories that are tied to things that they own...some are tied to scents. most of my memories are musical. that neil diamond song 'the story of my life'...makes me cry every time i hear it. 'original sin' by elton john should be on everyone's top 10 list. as well as a few by christopher cross, like 'walking in avalon'. but you all should go in search of the song called 'on the coast of somewhere beautiful' by kenny chesney. its beautiful. i could talk about billy joel for forever, but let me just say 'just the way you are', 'honesty', 'she's got a way', 'all about soul', and quite possibly one of the most perfect songs ever written ' **'and so it goes'**.

ok...i'll stop now. may you all have wonderful lives full of laughter and music.

my skin

hi, all.

i've spent a very long time in this skin - more than 29 years. so why is it that its just starting to be comfortable? why am i just now learning about myself - who i am, and who i want to be? i've lived the majority of my life on a trial-by-fire basis. i guess it was supposed to be this way, but it took so stinkin' long to get here! i was an insecure kid, insecure teenager, which i'm sure is what led me to be so insecure in my marraige...maybe that's part of the reason i'm divorced. i could tell stories about my life that would make your hair stand on end...but why? why live in the past, when the future is what matters. the past is what shapes you into who you are, but some people have a hard time letting that go - and why is that? i've dated some guys that are so terrified that i'm going to let my past influence my opinion of men...ALL men...that they don't give our potential relationship a fair chance. i guess that's because of their past experiences with other women. why is the past so hard to let go of? why can't we just learn from it and move on? its over now - it can't hurt us anymore. and if it does, its your own fault because you let it. so i just don't tell anyone anymore about most of the things that i've seen, because it usually blows up in my face. but that sucks, too, because its what happened to me in the past that made me who i am, and shouldn't someone who cares about me want to know what shaped and molded me...without judging me? i am who i am, and i'm proud of it. i'm now officially comfortable in my skin. i'd be in trouble if i weren't, right? i mean, have you ever tried to put toothpaste back into the tube. it can't be done. i can't undo my past, either. but how do you make someone else comfortable with your skin? well, you can't MAKE anyone do anything, which i suppose is part of the struggle. i've yet to date a man that will go to church with me. i've yet to date a man that will come hear me sing. that's very important to me. i guess the right one will come along at the right time, and it will all make sense to me. but i'm impatient! and i'm getting a headache...that can't be good, right?

the road i'm traveling on is a bumpy one, but i'm enjoying the ride. i've got a great family, a great kid, a great group of friends (hey, little d!), a great group of people to sing with, a great church family, and a great group of teens that make me smile whenever i'm around them. i'm truly blessed. i've got great skin.

HI DEL!!!!!!!!

website

i was driving to work this morning and saw a web address on a bumper sticker.

please visit www.homesforourtroops.org - if you can swing it, make a donation. ask your company to make a charitable donation. something - anything. they deserve it. and spread the address around - the more they can do, the better.

god bless

i'm the tooth fairy

so...i took the munchkin to dinner at el chico last night. i'm enjoying my enchiladas, and she says 'hey, mom...jared says you're the tooth fairy'

uh oh. i'm on the verge of crying...no more santa claus, easter bunny...i've been found out.

'huh? what did he say'

'we were talking about the tooth fairy. i told him that she gave me five bucks, and he told me that the tooth fairy is you...my mom...YOU'RE the tooth fairy!'

where do i go with this? how do i save myself and the sanctity of the fairy tale?

'i'm the tooth fairy, huh? so i go all over the world every night when you're asleep and take kids' teeth and give them money? nope! first of all, where would i get all of that money, and second of all, where would i keep all of those yicky teeth?? GROSS!! nope...i'm not the tooth fairy'.

she buys it. apparently she didn't get that he was saying that the tooth fairy was *everyone's* mom...she just thought i was the REAL DEAL tooth fairy. kinda cool, huh?

or...maybe poor jared really thinks i'm the tooth fairy. and that's just greatness. from now on, please refer to me as 'fairy-licious'!

random nothingness...or could it be something?

hey, all.

i haven't posted in a while...does your life ever spin out of control, and it seems almost impossible to get it back? well, it did, and i did, so here i am again. sorry if you missed me!

one thing at a time. i'm irritated about this whole tsunami thing. yeah, i know what happened over there sucks. but we sent our troops over there, and we're giving them millions of dollars to aid their now homeless population. HELLO?? WHAT ABOUT **OUR** HOMELESS POPULATION??? we do have one, you know. i see them all the time. what are we doing to help our own people? nada - just going further into debt to help other people. we suck.

i'm a barry manilow fan. love him love him love him. i was listening to a song of his...the opening line is 'we had the right love at the wrong time'. and it cut me...it hurt. and i don't even know why. it literally took my breath away. is it possible to have the right love...just at the wrong time? and if its the right love...why can't it be the right time? and if it isn't the right time, how do you get there? i mean - its THE RIGHT LOVE. what we're all looking to find. 'somewhere down the road our roads are gonna cross again - it doesn't really matter when. but somewhere down the road, i know that heart of yours will come to see that you belong with me'. i've been there - a few years ago. and we are still very very good friends. and i stopped and wondered - will our roads cross again? for a third time? and then i figured i was putting way too much thought into it. so i moved on to 'copa cabana'. but i know you will read this - and i want you to know that i think of you often.

if i had to wear my philosophy of life as a motto on a t-shirt, what would it be? don't blend in like a chameleon. stand out like a hot pink elephant.

and...last thing. HI DEL!!! mardi gras - here i come!!!

personal space vs. the prospect

hello, all.

i've been alone for almost five years now. i've come to love - almost revere - my personal space and my "me time". and i'm beginning to understand the concept behind the "old spinster". i sleep in the middle of the bed, drink milk from the jug, leave my wet towels in the bathroom, can watch chick-flick-victim-movies on lifetime whenever i want, can come and go as i please (depending on the kid and her location), not have to worry about who gets the last beer in the fridge, and i have SOLE POSESSION OF THE REMOTE CONTROL! so...if there were a prospect for me and my daughter, someone to add to our family, how on earth would i give all of that up? i know i've done it before - i was married for almost five years. but i was so young then i had no concept of the whole personal space thing because i'd always lived with someone, either my mom or my now ex. i know it would more than likely be worth it, but...what if it isn't? i've lived in fear, not wanting to get into a permanent relationship because i don't want to get hurt again, and i certainly don't want that for my daughter. its the same story about a million other people have to tell, so i won't go into detail. but...i've always got the same thought in my mind...ALWAYS.

what if? what if i fall in love? what if my daughter loves him? what if my family loves him? what if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me? and then...what if, at some point five years down the line, he changes his mind?

so, my dilemma remains - do i love my personal stuff, or could i - would i - should i - give it up? and what if?

i was attacked!

there are very few times when i actually *miss* being married. like really really want to go back to being married again. one of them is when i buy a whole bunch of groceries and have to bring them in from the car. the other one is when i have to put up the stinkin' christmas tree.

i bought a fake tree this year. a seven-and-a-half footer. i mean this sucker is MASSIVE. and its pre-lit, so not only is it reeeeealy big, its reeeeeeeeeeeeealy heavy. it was in the box in three pieces. i took it out and put it together. attached all the little plugs and put the main one in the wall. it lit up all pretty, but something was missing - COLOR! so i got out my old strings of colored lights, determined to make my apartment light up like las vegas. the tree is in the corner by the big window in the living room and the patio door. keep in mind that, during this whole ordeal, the blinds on the window as well as the verticals to the patio were WIDE OPEN.

so anyway, i go get the colored lights and a chair. i have one foot in the chair, one foot on the loveseat, and both hands on opposite sides of the lights, thus forming a circle around the tree with my arms and the lights. i start to lose my balance, the chair falls backwards, i fall on top of it, and the tree falls on me. I WAS ATTACKED BY MY CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!!!!!!! needless to say, i survived, but i have an awesome bruise on my right leg. very sexy. i'm sure it was amusing to the people that live in my complex...because i know at least 5 people saw it through my OPEN BLINDS. i'm really smarter than i look.

on another note - i correspond with a group of really awesome people during the day - all of them having to do with the military in one way or another. i salute you guys...you're awesome.

more later!

i miss back when

things were so much different when i was growing up in a small texas town. my life now feels like that place, that period in my life, almost never existed. a place that was much more slow-paced with wide open spaces just calling out to be discovered.

i miss climbing trees. believe it or not, i was a bit of a tomboy, and i was always climbing in someone's tree. i fell out of a tree once...and sprained my ankle. i wasn't supposed to be climbing trees - it wasn't 'ladylike' - so my best friend kristi had to walk me home and help me lie. (sssssshhhhhhhhhh...i didn't fall out of a tree. i slipped on a really big rock and fell down)

speaking of kristi, i miss my best friend. she and i have been friends since, as i've always said, i was in-utero. we grew up across the street from each other. we've shared bad hairstyles, bad boyfriends, bad fashion trends, good food, and great conversation. now that we're grown up and have lives of our own, we din't get to spend a lot of time together. i miss her. A LOT!

i miss sundays. there's a song called 'sunday in the south' that always reminds me of the way sundays were at my house. when i was a little girl, my mom and i lived with my grandmother. she would get me up early on sunday, we would get dressed up, and she would take me to church. when we got out, we would go back home, and she would fix a huge meal and the whole family would come over. if i think about it really hard, i can still hear the noises and smell the smells that would emminate from my mam-ma's kitchen...so well sometimes that it makes my heart ache.

i miss the popping and crackling of a record player.

i miss playing in the dirt. kristi and i dug this HUGE hole in my back yard and did the coolest things with dirt! built castles, made mud pies, had good clean messy fun. it was a blast!

i miss riding my bike to 'town'. 'town' consisted of winn dixie, mott's, dairy queen, and the snow cone stand all in the same parking lot. we would go spend hours there, just hanging out and walking around.

its too bad we can't go back in time. i miss the simplicity of the way my life was 20 years ago.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOO MAD!!!

hey, all.

as a ritual, every friday i look at 'the week in pictures' on msnbc's website. so i'm clicking through there this morning, and i come across a black screen with the warning that the next image is not suitable for...blah blah blah. so i click on it to view it...its a US soldier. a dead US soldier, lying in a pool of his own blood. what on earth could have posessed those people to post such a picture, for his family and his friends to see? on so many different levels, i am angry. that was somebody's son...someone's baby. someone's love. so...i promptly hit the 'email us' button, and sent them a piece of my mind, via the internet. haven't heard back from them...i guess we'll see what happens. i'm just a little peon out here ... they probably won't even read it. but i feel better now that i've said something. it just isn't right.

do me a favor? if you're out in public and happen to come across a man or woman in uniform, be it military service or civil service, shake his or her hand and say 'thank you'. they deserve it.

have a good weekend.

i swam to work today

hello, boys and girls. let me tell you about noah's ark. the rains came, and...

well, that's what it feels like around north texas these days. i expect to see noah on my doorstep any day now saying that he needs a female electroneurodiagnostic technologist to set sail with him and all of the other creatures on the 2004 model of the ark. don't get me wrong - i LOVE the rain. i love to take long walks in warm spring rain...i like to listen to the rain and fall asleep...i like to watch my daughter laughing and playing in the rain. but come on, now...let's get real. i'm not a hundred percent sure when i saw the sun last...that can't be good. *sigh* on to bigger and better things...

the cowboys lost again on monday. and we're going to replace vinny testaverde when???? sheesh! come on, coach...pull your head out of your hiney and do something! ah, who cares? i'm a packer fan anyway...

single motherhood can suck sometimes. i mean ROYALLY SUCK. but you know what? i have an awesome mom. she raised me as a single mother, so she knows the shoes i'm in. we didn't quite get to this point in the same manner (my father is an alcoholic drug-addict and my ex-husband left me for another woman), but she knows the things i'm dealing with. my ex lives several hours away from here because he's in the Navy, so he doesn't get to see her very much...her great-grandparents are elderly and their health is beginning to fail. i've never left pete (my daughter) with a babysitter - she's always stayed with family. so until last night, i hadn't been out alone in quite some time. she called yesterday and wanted to keep her for not just one, but TWO nights!!!! woo hoooooooooooooooo!!!!! my mom rocks. so i think that, for my own sanity, i need to start looking for a babysitter. she's old enough now to be left with a teenager for a few hours, right?? she's 7. either that, or i'll come home and my place will be in ashes. oh, the agony of it all...no wonder i don't sleep at night!

so...do i have a conclusion for today? you bet!
a) mom, if you should ever read this - i love you, and you're the best mother a daughter could ever ask for ...

and...

b) John Kerry just called president Bush to concede the election. He did ask
that as a provision of the concession that he be allowed to receive a Purple
Heart medal for injuries received in the ass whipping

that's all for now. take care...

VOTE OR DIE...well, don't die, but don't complain if you don't like the way things are

HELLOOOOOOOOOO!! i voted in my first presidential election today - i feel like such a big girl!! i stood in line for an hour in the rain under the american flag (weren't they supposed to take it down and put it away?) with my daughter, i went into that little room, and i completed my arrow. GO W!!! i was really impressed with the number of younger voters that i saw this morning. people from all walks of life, even a lady that was due to give birth at any little minute. she wouldn't go ahead of anyone, she wouldn't sit down, she wouldn't go inside out of the rain - she stood in line with everyone else. she said it was part of the democratic process, and she was proud to be able to participate, so she didn't want any special treatment. she was awesome. so, mr p daddy diddy puff - i did my duty, i voted for my man - i can't wait to see how it turns out! i haven't been this excited since...well...christmas, i guess.

i survived 'the grudge', though i don't know how. i guess it was because i went to a movie tavern, and they have beer. i thought i was going to jump out of my seat (or pee in my pants) a couple of times, but I DID IT! i survived the movie! now the people that i went with want to go watch that new movie 'saw'. at first i thought it might be ok, but i heard on the radio yesterday that there is an evil clown in it. i don't do clowns! not since i saw the stephen king movie 'it'. noooooooooooooo way. huh uh. i'll pass - send me a postcard.

hmmmm...do i have anything else to say today? my hair is a mess due to the rain, i'm freezing cold due to the rain...but oh, how i do love the rain! i'm looking forward to a cozy evening on the couch flipping channels between election coverage and 'coyote ugly'. i love that movie. if i were skinnier, i'd be a coyote. that would be cool.

VOTE TODAY, PEOPLE!!! VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

today is the day!!!

its scary movie day! i've been assured that it will be late enough to be thoroughly dark enough outside (to maximize the viewing experience, of course), and i have been informed that no, i may *NOT* take a blanket into the theater to cover my head...nor can i take the earplugs. man. what a challenge. i'm up for it, though. the closer it gets, strangely, the more excited i get. why is that? why am i excited to scare the holy bejeebers out of myself? that's just not cool. should i medicate before i go? should i call my preacher to pray for me before i go? should i just jump out of the vehicle while its still moving? i should definitely visit the restroom...oh, yeah. definitely. i'm 28 years old and i have never seen a horror movie in a theater. i've seen a couple on video, but this is some serious up-close-and-personal stuff. i'm such a wuss.

i really enjoy hitting the 'next blog' button. you never know what you're going to find on here. people ranting about the election. people lost in love. people in despair because their love has been lost. lots of things in languages that i don't understand. but its the desire to communicate and reach out that always gets me. so i guess that's what i'm doing here...reaching out. talking about everything...and nothing at all. some people's words inspire. some people's words anger. and some people's words uplift. but its all in the words. its about the fact that people want to touch other people with what they have to say. i think its fascinating!!

my youth minister when i was in high school always used to say "know who you are, who's you are, and what your mission is". well, i've got the first two covered. and i'm working on the third. but how do you go about determining your mission? that's a scary prospect!

kill me...please

so, ok. i'm afraid of three things - thunder, big huge cockroaches that are bigger than my hand, and ... the dark. but i'm terrified of *one* thing - scary movies. i don't know how, really, but little d talked me into going to see 'the grudge' two days from now. have i lost my mind? so now i'll be living in a constant state of fear and anxiety until then. whatever was i thinking? i'll be making phone calls at three am because i can't sleep and i'm imagining wierd things wandering around my house. (and, apparently, a hand coming out of the back of my head in the shower)

HOLY MOLEY!! this is just not me. i must have morphed into someone else overnight...someone calmer, braver, smarter, and ... well ... not crazy!

'little d' and the boredom factor

so i'm at work right now, and i work with one of my best friends (every girl has 2 or 3 of those, right?) - desiree (aka little d)...and we're bored. so she wanted me to write some amusing stuff in my blog so she can pretend to look busy. (wuv you d!)

what do i write about? what's the difference between lima beans and boogers? kids will eat boogers. ha ha ha...lame joke of the day. everyone should have a signature joke. that pathetic one is mine.

we had a staff meeting yesterday. and we had some *lovely* chinese food. it was fab! and we were supposed to read our fortunes out loud. have you noticed that fortunes these days aren't really fortunes, but tips? 'hey, genius, don't step in the dog poo'. or 'every day is a gift'. duh! but that's not a fortune! fortunes are like 'you will meet the man of your dreams in 2 weeks when you're sitting at starbucks reading the paper'. or 'if you go on a cruise, take some immodium ad 'cuz you're gonna need it'. you know - stuff that foretells the future. but one of the girls got a "fortune" that said 'the job is well done'. i think that went over a lot of people's heads...except i think hers and mine. and - out loud - i said 'that's the best fortune you can get, because when you get to those pearly gates, that's what you want to hear! 'faithful servant, well done!!' i don't know who heard me, and who understood, but ... well, it made perfect sense to me!

well, i hope i've eased the boredom, at least for a bit. for today...call your mom and tell her you love her. it will brighten her day.

lead me to calvary

for those of you that don't know me, i sing at my church with a group of very talented, wonderful men and women. i started going to church when i was a little girl with my grandmother, and singing was my favorite part. we sing a-capella in my church, so we rely strongly on the beautiful harmonies and the amazing lyrics. one of my grandmother's (and now mine) favorite songs was 'lead me to calvary'. we sang that in church on sunday, and what that song meant finally totally made sense. i want to share it, mainly the chorus, and my interpretations.

'LEST I FORGET GETHSEMANE'
~just in case, lord, i should happen to forget where your son was betrayed
'LEST I FORGET THINE AGONY'
~just in case, lord, i should happen to forget all that you went through when your son's hands and feet were pierced with nails and a crown of thorns forced into his scalp...not to mention all of the people that mocked him and called him a fraud
'LEST I FORGET THY LOVE FOR ME'
~just in case, lord, i should happen to forget how your son saved me from the fiery depths of hell by hanging there for hours and hours and hours with no water and no one to take him down from that awful place
'LEAD ME TO CALVARY'
~then take me, lord, to the place that it all happened. let me witness it for myself, to know that you love me enough to send your one and only son to die that cruel death, so that i might have eternal freedom in your kingdom.

i had the awesome priveledge of watching the movie 'the passion of the christ' with my congregation. until then, i only knew what i had read in the bible and been taught in classes. in the span of time that i sat and watched that movie, it all hit me...he was my age. a young man. it hit me - as a mother, i could never stand for that to happen. the pain, the agony, the torture...the love. it was all there for me to see, with my own eyes. i was lead to calvary. and i was amazed.

my debt is cancelled. jesus paid it all.

in my head

hi, guys. here goes nothing!

the word 'grace' has so many different meanings - so many different connotations. it would be impossible to count them. but i want to share what it means to me.

grace is in the way that you carry yourself. a way that you present your inner-self to others. its almost a way of life, however impossible it may seem to obtain. grace is evident in everything that you do. its in the way that you smile at people when you're walking down the street. its in the way that you let someone go ahead of you in line at the grocery store when your basket is full and they only have a bottle of nail polish remover. grace is in the eyes and hands of an expectant mother. grace is in the little girl that goes and silently wraps her arms around a mother that has just recently lost her daughter. grace is in the courage with which a young girl deals with the fact that she will soon lose her life to a devastating disease. grace was there when a mother watched her son suffer and die on a cross for the forgiveness of the sins of mankind - including her own. and grace is evident in the spritually new christians, still damp from the waters of baptism. can you see grace all around you? i do. and i cherish it.

i don't really know how to close today. well...how 'bout this? give someone your smile today - they could probably use it.