Wednesday, August 31, 2005

zoiks!

i've been listening and reading about the hurricane...at this stage, there's no way to avoid it.

i lost everything i owned in 1999 thanks to hurricane floyd. but we were ok - we had family and friends and we took care of each other and, eventually, came out ok. so many of these people don't have that. i feel sorry...and i pray.

however...i heard something on the radio this morning that made me sit up in bed and cry. these people, in the coming days, will have to worry about death, disease, and ... alligators.

holy moly! that hadn't even occurred to me.

to all of the people on the east coast suffering from the after-effects of hurricane katrina - i lift you up in prayer. and i donate all of my extra money to the red cross.

for those of you reading this - please do the same.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

love lost

i have a half-brother. we have the same father. and i use that term loosely.

we didn't grow up together because we were raised by our respective mothers. but when we spent time together, which was usually every other weekend, we dug each other. i mean, he's my kid brother! we used to have wrestling matches with our dad...back when kerry von erich and the rest of the von erich family were cool. we even had our own wrestling names.

his life wasn't that easy - his mom was a little off, you know the story ... blah blah blah. his mother died a couple of years ago from lung cancer. he got married. he and his wife had a baby...i missed it all, because over the years, we've spent less and less time in the vicinity of each other. our grandfather died a little over a year ago. he sat next to me at the funeral...he laid his head on my shoulder, and he cried in my arms. the first time i've ever actually been there for him when he needed me...and as silly as that sounds, i cherish that.

i have a nephew running around out there that i haven't seen in years.

so today, i was in the car at a stoplight. and he turned right in front of me. my sweet baby brother...blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes. i knew him instantly. he was on his phone. i honked...he didn't notice. i don't know how to find him - i'm not close to that side of my family.

i've lost my brother.

i miss you, bruiser.

Monday, August 22, 2005

here's your sign...or...scene from parent teacher night

teacher ' so, does anyone have any questions? '

dad ' if i want to bring my daughter early to eat breakfast in the cafeteria, do i need to come in to monitor her, or will there be people in there to watch her? '

teacher ' no no there's always people in the cafeteria watching the kids, no matter what time of day it is. we NEVER leave the children unattended. even if i have to go to the bathroom for a second, i still have to get the teacher across the hall to watch the kids '

me, in my head ' jeez, genious, do you think the kids go into the cafeteria and make sausage and eggs all by themselves with no help? i can see my daughter and your daughter both behind the counter with little chef's hats on scrambling up the eggs...and i can hear flo yell 'two eggs over easy and make it quick, mel...and kiss my grits!'.

here's your sign, buddy.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

scenes from a mall

* tan face, white white legs. (ladies, if you're going to wear bronzer on your face...please take note that it only makes you look tan if the REST of you is tan).

* a wrap skort on a 40-ish year old woman. (ladies, come on now. we're old enough to not have to worry about little boys looking up our skirts when we're sliding down the slide. i know that, inherently, it is difficult to make decisions, but really...its easy. a skirt or shorts...PICK ONE!! that's like the trend i've seen with women wearing a dress...AND PANTS. sheesh...pick one!)

* flip flops...that cover the length of the foot...but with toes hanging over the edge. ummm...need i say more??

* a very pretty lady looking around to see if anyone heard her fart. yep, i heard ya.

* capri pants, sandals...and pantyhose. HELLO!! its 100 degrees outside...are you nuts??

...and my "get involved in the community" deed for the week...

* a lady got irritated with her kid, which couldn't have been older than four. we were in the shoe department of dillard's, which is right by the entrance/exit. she walked away from her kid, to the register, turned her back, and ignored the poor little girl...for a good two or three minutes. that kid could have been gone in seconds, out the door either on her own or with a kidnapper. thank goodness a security guard happened to be walking by. i had a little chat with him, and he had a wonderful little chat with her. as i was leaving, i saw a fort worth police officer pull up. don't neglect your kids when i'm around...i had a guy arrested in VA for leaving his sleeping daughter in the car. moron.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

stay tuned...

the best is yet to come...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

people...write this down...

superglue effing ROCKS!!!

that is all...as you were.


addendum...NO I WASN'T SNIFFING IT!!!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

i'm just so full of questions and observations

hi.

i'm forever identifying with the things that other people say and write, as if they were looking into my soul and writing about what they witnessed.

"when i say that i don't care, it really means my engine's breaking down
the chisel chips my heart again, the granite cracks beneath my skin
i crumble into pieces on the ground"

i've said to people that i don't care. i think i say it all the time. but i really do care...i'm just shutting down on the inside, trying not to care...trying not to hurt. why is it that the older we get, the more love seems to be a game, and not a mission? does that even make sense to anyone else but me??


"these independent moves i make, this confidence i try to fake
you can hear the beating of my heart, but not a feather falling in the dark
and everything i hear never makes sense - another old prophet perched on the fence, a cupful of pencils and a self-help guru don't answer the question of what i am to you
how come birds don't fall from the sky when they die?
how come birds always look for a quiet place to hide?
these words can't explain what i feel inside...like birds, i need a quiet place to hide"

birds always know when something is about to happen - when they are sick and getting ready to die. they go find somewhere quiet and out of the way, and they just slip away. recently, a part of me has been dying, and rather than going to a quiet place and just letting it go, i've been fighting like hell to save it. it isn't getting me anywhere...so now i think i'll just go find a quiet place and let it go. at some point, you have to start over. i guess that time is now. but "i don't fear being touched...i fear being let go". again...am i making any sense?

however...while i was writing this, a glimmer of hope showed up on my screen. this will be interesting...or its just more evidence that i'm really losing my mind...

kelly clarkson said it best...i'm a beautiful disaster.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

*sigh*

you know that song lyric 'the first cut is the deepest'?

its a big fat lie.

every cut is just as bad as the first, if not worse. its like pouring salt into an open wound.