my skin

hi, all.

i've spent a very long time in this skin - more than 29 years. so why is it that its just starting to be comfortable? why am i just now learning about myself - who i am, and who i want to be? i've lived the majority of my life on a trial-by-fire basis. i guess it was supposed to be this way, but it took so stinkin' long to get here! i was an insecure kid, insecure teenager, which i'm sure is what led me to be so insecure in my marraige...maybe that's part of the reason i'm divorced. i could tell stories about my life that would make your hair stand on end...but why? why live in the past, when the future is what matters. the past is what shapes you into who you are, but some people have a hard time letting that go - and why is that? i've dated some guys that are so terrified that i'm going to let my past influence my opinion of men...ALL men...that they don't give our potential relationship a fair chance. i guess that's because of their past experiences with other women. why is the past so hard to let go of? why can't we just learn from it and move on? its over now - it can't hurt us anymore. and if it does, its your own fault because you let it. so i just don't tell anyone anymore about most of the things that i've seen, because it usually blows up in my face. but that sucks, too, because its what happened to me in the past that made me who i am, and shouldn't someone who cares about me want to know what shaped and molded me...without judging me? i am who i am, and i'm proud of it. i'm now officially comfortable in my skin. i'd be in trouble if i weren't, right? i mean, have you ever tried to put toothpaste back into the tube. it can't be done. i can't undo my past, either. but how do you make someone else comfortable with your skin? well, you can't MAKE anyone do anything, which i suppose is part of the struggle. i've yet to date a man that will go to church with me. i've yet to date a man that will come hear me sing. that's very important to me. i guess the right one will come along at the right time, and it will all make sense to me. but i'm impatient! and i'm getting a headache...that can't be good, right?

the road i'm traveling on is a bumpy one, but i'm enjoying the ride. i've got a great family, a great kid, a great group of friends (hey, little d!), a great group of people to sing with, a great church family, and a great group of teens that make me smile whenever i'm around them. i'm truly blessed. i've got great skin.

HI DEL!!!!!!!!