if i were a boy

yeah...i'm totally stealing the title from beyonce. so what?

*i would put the toilet seat down. and i might even take a smidge of toilet paper and clean the dribble i made before i put the toilet seat down, thus making it less disgusting for you when you clean said toilet.

*i would say 'excuse me' when i burped...or farted...yes, even if it was silent, because i want to acknowledge that i'm singe-ing your nosehairs, out of politeness.

*i would make a concentrated effort at looking you in the face, even if there is a decent amount of cleavage showing...especially if you are speaking. after all, somewhere in my brain, it is registering that your voice is coming out of your mouth, which is on your face...and not your boobs...

*i would do the dishes...even if it is just once a month. i know you worked hard on dinner, and i don't want you to have to ... oh who am i kidding? did i really just type this?

*i would ask you what movie you wanted to see...and then i might actually sit there and watch it...and not sigh loudly when the girls on the screen are bitching about their boyfriends/husbands/lovers for the the kazillionth time.

*i would walk out of the room when you ask me "baby do these jeans make my ass look big" so i could avoid ... well ... you know. that just NEVER ends well.

*i wouldn't give you a hard time about the purse you just bought. :o)~

*hell, i might even buy you a new purse if i see a cute one at the mall. yeah...i just typed that, too. you do realize this is a work of fiction, right?

*i wouldn't make you go to wal mart ever again. i know that it makes you want to kill yourself, what with the screaming children, the impossible to navigate aisles, the scores of people who don't speak the same language that we speak, the fact that your friend calls it so swimming with germs its just like a fucking petri dish, and the scary blue vests, so if we need something i will take the kids and give you some alone time and i will go by myself.

*i would light some candles in the bedroom, turn down the comforter before bedtime...and let you read yourself to sleep. (and possibly call 911 when the candles set the curtains on fire).

little house on fort hood

i went to sign for my house today. its so cute! new appliances in the kitchen, the carpet is almost new, its got lots of windows and great light - and lots of shade from the trees. i ended up with what they call a "bonus" room - THREE bedrooms!! yay! we were only supposed to get two. but...they don't provide you with a fence. i have to rent a fence. like i rent a movie. wierd, right? whatever. i have a house!

so as i'm driving home...out of the corner of my eye, i see this really big dog and i kind of veer off to the right to get a better look at it. only...its not a dog. its a wild boar. and i'm explaining this to my mom and my daughter who are, of course, not paying attention. i say - "how could you miss it? its a wild hog! H-O-G...PIG!" "umm...that's not how you spell pig" my daughter says. we can't all be geniuses.

the move

why i’m moving
i can not even begin to tell you how many times i have been asked why i am moving. why i married the man i did...why i'm picking up and moving my family when the rest of my family and my lifelong friends are here. i discovered this today - and i couldn't have put it more eloquently.

What is a MILITARY Wife?

They may look different and each is wonderfully unique, but this what they have in common.


They have THIS IN COMMON!
Lots of moving---
Moving.
Moving.
Moving far from home.
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog----all riding with HER of course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house.
Moving curtains that won't fit.
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends, moving toward new friends.
Moving her most important luggage; her trunkful of memories.
Often waiting-
Waiting, waiting, waiting for housing; waiting for orders; waiting for deployment; waiting for reunion; waiting for phones calls; Waiting for the new curtains to arrive; waiting for him to come home for dinner----AGAIN!
They call her 'military dependent', but she knows better.
She can balance a checkbook.
Handle the yard work.
Fix a noisy toilet.
She is intimately familiar with drywall, anchors, and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes, sell a house, buy a car, or set up a move, -- all with ONE Power of Attorney.
She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her.
Reinvents her career with every PCS; locates a house in the desert, the arctic, or the deep south and learns to call them all 'home'.
She MAKES them all home.
She is fiercely IN-dependent.
Military Wives are somewhat hasty.
They leap into decorating, leadership, volunteering, career alternatives, churches and friendships.
They don't have 15 years to get to know people.
Their roots are short but flexible.
They plant annuals for themselves and Perennials for those who come after them.
Military Wives quickly learn to value each other.
They connect over coffee, rely on the spouse-network and accept offers of friendship and favors and record addresses in pencil.
Military Wives have a common bond.
The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands his commitment is unique. He doesn't have a job, he has a 'mission' he can't just decide to quit he's on-call for his country 24/7 but for you, he's the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign:
TDY
PCS
OPR
ACC
BDU
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long-distance link to keep them informed the glue that holds them together.
Military Wife has her moments----
She wants to wring his neck, dye his uniform pink, and refuse to move to Siberia.
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days, a travel brochure, a long hot bath, a pledge to the flag, and a wedding picture.
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.
Why?
What for?
How come?
You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man...
Who puts duty first.
Who longs to deploy.
Who salutes the flag.
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military husband,
She will remain his Military wife.
my love to you all -

mrs.b

the bottle

there is a bottle of cologne buried in my top drawer. i can't bear to have it out on the dresser when you're not here. i had it out the first few days after you went back to iraq, but every time i would look at it, i would ache for you.

i came across it today - as i do most days. and when i see it it makes me sad. it floods my brain with memories of when you were here for 18 days and you belonged only to us. not to your country, not to this war. not to the people who take their freedom for granted, and not to the people who will exercise their ability to change what is wrong with this country. just to your family, the people who love you and want to protect you from the violence and the death and the bloodshed. you are such a good man - a strong man, doing what you do for all of us over here who can't seem to get it right.

and when i take the top off of that bottle and inhale the scent, it makes me weak.

come home soon, and come home safe.

not so bright husband + smart ass wife = funny

i was married before, very very young, to my daughter's father. we got married in 1995, almost right out of high school.

i was, however, a smart ass back then, too. :)

he and i only had one "physical altercation" in our marriage, about a month after we got married. his mother and father bought tickets to the pbr {professional bull riding} finals - in vegas - for them and his sister...and they left me out, knowing he would be married to me. i tried to stop him from going, he pushed me down and out of the way, and proceeded to leave. and i was alone for four days.


so...when he came back, i told him that i had gone to the doctor and gotten on birth control pills. and i carefully explained to him that the seven pills that are a different color are the pills that HE is supposed to take.

not a good idea to marry a smart ass. ;)

addendum

i added an addendum to the 'update' post...scroll down a bit...

love -

the voice of reason

so my bff and i went on an adventure a few weeks ago - we went to sprinkles cupcakes {which is a WHOOOLE 'NOTHER BLOG}. so i live in a small po-dunk town ... and sprinkles cupcakes is in the big city of dallas. my bff drives an envoy...and the envoy is equipped with that beautiful thing known as on-star. she calls and asks for directions...has them downloaded to the vehicle...and it talks us through our route.

so we're driving and the automated man is talking us through it...its just like having the normal gps system that talks to you. but kp knows dallas and she decides to take a short cut that is off of the route that it has decided to take us through. as soon as she veers off of the route, it goes apeshit. telling us we need to turn around...blah blah blah. but - in a WOMAN'S voice. hahahahHAHAHAAHA. i looked at her and i said 'dude...its like driving with a pissed off married couple! you take one wrong turn and the wife starts bitching at you'.

new icon for the hubster's myspace

update

so - obviously blake has gone back to iraq to complete his deployment.

i had my appendix taken out this week and had more adhesions lasered out of my abdomen...damn scar tissue.

so i've been hopped up on drugs for a few days. woot!

senator mccain has picked a woman as his running mate. not a qualified woman - just a woman. a woman that he had previously met ONCE. that has less than two years experience as a governor and, before that, was a mayor of a small town. in ALASKA. had you ever heard of her? yeah...me, either. *sigh*. yes, she's a woman. yes, she has a family. yes, she has a son about to go off to war. yes, she's a christian. yes, there are all of these things that make her a wonderful person. but they don't make her qualified to lead this country. do you really want to vote for a party who's vp candidate was competing in beauty pageants while the other presidential candidate was studying international relations at columbia university?she sued the bush administration for listing polar bears as a threatened species - she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in alaska, and she also feels that humans AREN'T the cause of the climate change. {global warming}. (HUH?!?) she is STRONGLY anti-choice, even in cases of rape and incest. now i am not a big abortion fan, but i don't feel like anyone should be able to tell you what you can and can't do with your body. as a woman, i am insulted that john mccain would pick her instead of a better suited, more experienced woman. he just wanted a female puppett.

*addendum*

i hear all of these women - i.e. elisabeth hasselbeck - getting so excited about her when really they should be pissed off at john mccain for this assinine choice. they should be OFFENDED that john mccain has insulted their intelligence by trying to pass this woman off as a viable choice for that office. when you do the math, its highly unlikely that his age will carry him through the first term. do you really want her answering the red phone at 3am when vladimir putin calls? i sure as hell don't. i see these ads saying how she "took on the big ole boys in the republican party" blah blah blah. do they research. she didn't. what she did was throw some dude under the bus - and then LEAVE the party. and she didn't sell that damn jet on ebay - and she sure as hell didn't make a profit on it. she listed it on ebay, it didn't sell - then it was sold by a private jet agency, and they lost money.

the hype around her - i can't wait for the shine to tarnish. because its a lot of bs. and i'm angry. as a woman, you should be, too - no matter what party you belong to.

my love is home

ack!

i know, I KNOW, i'm in trouble because i haven't posted in awhile. but my husband is coming home for r&r and i have been running around absolutely crazy trying to get everything ready. we're going away for a mini honeymoon, just the two of us, then the week after we're taking our girls out of town for a mini family vacay. so i've had to get everything together for him so he wouldn't have to bring it back home from iraq - and then take it back AGAIN...plus get the house ready, blah blah blah. and do it all without having a FUCKING NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!!

can i have a valium with a vodka chaser, please?

they keep pushing his flight back - he should have been here this weekend, but now he might not be here until maybe NEXT weekend. so he's very stressed out. and its hard to keep a man calm who's on the other side of the world...and armed. :)

valium...vodka...PLEASE...??

did i mention that i'm surprising him at the airport with anyone and everyone i can get there? he thinks its just going to be me there. but nope, he deserves better than that. his mom and sisters and their spouses, his daughter, my daughter, my family, his nieces and nephew, friends from church...our friends. ANYONE who i can POSSIBLY get to be there that has supported us through this mess is going to be there to greet him when he steps off that plane because he deserves it. but its hard as hell to organize that when i have no friggin idea when he's going to be home...stupid ass war.

VALIUM...VODKA...NOW!!!

love you all...

some people will do anything for a little spark

so, the hubster called today to check on me.

i gave him the usual updates - everyone is doing fine, we love you, we miss you, and we can't wait to see you when you come home. so - he proceeds to tell me how HIS fourth went.

i'll tell you now - the fourth of july is his FAVORITE holiday - bar none.

they didn't have any fireworks. so what did they do? they went on top of the grainerie and shot off flares.

*hee hee*

the man i'm proud to call my husband

i met the most wonderful man in the world when i was very young - i was in high school. to hear him tell it, he had a crush on me, even back then. i, however, had a boyfriend.

fast forward about twelve years, and here we are. thanks to the beauty of myspace, we reconnected because we are both registered as alums with our high school. three months later, we were married by a judge in a court room. 28 days after that, he deployed to iraq.

i knew on our first date that he was the one for me. i wanted to stare into his eyes all night long. i never wanted to leave his side. we had a long distance relationship before - and after - our marriage. he drove from fort hood to fort worth almost every weekend for three months.

he has a daughter that is two weeks older than my daughter, and our girls are the very best of friends. i couldn't believe my luck. this wonderful man and this beautiful little girl completed my family. he has formed a very special bond with my daughter. she has never before told another man, other than her own father, that she loves him. and she very rarely says it to her own father. but she speaks it very freely with him, and he feels like she is his own.

he gives me not only everything i want, but he gives me everything i have ever needed in a relationship - and he doesn't even know it. i don't even have to speak it. he just knows. i've never known a love like this, and i am so grateful for him.

so, on this father's day - so many fathers are overseas fighting in a war that no longer makes sense to me. only now, one of those fathers is also my husband. please - while you are holding your children and kissing them goodnight, and they are telling you happy father's day - say a prayer for those fathers that are unable to wrap their own arms around their own children. and say a prayer for those children who have lost their dads in this war.

i love you, blake.

come home soon.

stupid is as stupid does

so the other day i'm driving around the corner to pick up my daughter from daycare and i drive up on a car accident that has just taken place. one car is on its side and the other is in the grass on the opposite side of the street. i used to be a paramedic - so i figure i better stop and check it out - make sure no one is seriously injured before the real people show up. {now before this happens, i take off my name badge - i don't stop often, in fact hardly ever, and i don't want anyone to know my name or where they can find me later}.

so i'm across the street from this car on its side still when i notice that three other guys are trying to rock it so that its upright again. while the guy is still in it. there's traffic moving, so i yell "guys - you need to wait for the fire department to get here". this big burly dude yells back "I AM FIRE DEPARTMENT". oh shit. here we go.

so i literally run across the street. and i am not a fan of the physical activity. i go stand next to this guy and i say "which fire department do you work for". he stops and looks down at me and says "why?". i say "because a) i want to know which town to never get into a car accident in and b) i want to know which fire chief to call to have your licenses pulled when you break this poor guy's face. this vehicle is not leaking fuel, nor is it on fire - so the three of you need to back off and need to wait for the real emergency personnel to arrive - " why in the hell would anyone in their right mind want to turn a vehicle upright when someone is still in it?? especially someone who says he's with a fire department? cripes!

the other two guys were like "she's right, dude, we need to wait". the big burly dude? didn't have much of a choice...he certainly couldn't right that vehicle on his own.

and i? quietly disappeared when i heard sirens approaching.

renewed purpose

i am drugged. sinuses are causing me great pain.



i have a new purpose in life.



is surfing websites looking for cute icons to put on your husbands myspace a purpose?



surely it is. i am destined for greatness.



case in point?





between that and pestering my sister in law about our next lunch date {someone has to keep me company while my husband is away}, my daytimer is pretty much full.

visit my 2005 blogs...

ok, for some of my long-time readers, you will recall when i went to d/fw airport to greet a group of soldiers returning from iraq on an r&r flight from kuwait city. there are pics on my blog - its in the 2005 archive.

you know what? i'm going back to greet again in a couple of months. only this time - i'll be greeting my husband.

:)

love you guys.

awards day

i, as a parent, have always hated awards day...i'm not a "soccer mom", i don't like crowds, and i don't socialize with parents. that's just not the way i roll. so going up to the school for awards day is just not my cup of tea. but i always go to support the kids and i love to see the way pete's face lights up when she sees me sitting in the bleachers.

my daughter just finished 4th grade. so this was my 5th awards ceremony. last year was the first time i had ever noticed a kid get left out. this teacher had called up all of her kids to give them some sort of award, except for this one little boy - and he was left sitting in his chair, all by himself. and it broke my heart.

pete has gone to the same school since first grade, and i have seen the same six or seven kids get their names called over and over and over again...but most teachers will make up silly little awards to make sure that each kid gets something, and that no kid gets left out. every other year, my daughter has gotten the art award. she's very creative, very artistic. they don't have an art class, but the teachers have always acknowledged that ability in her. this year? notsomuch. in fact, that little boy from last year was my daughter.

here's the thing. i'm very aware of my daughter's strengths and flaws. i'm not one of those moms who thinks their kid is perfect and should have had her name called ten times. academically, she's fairly average. she's decent. she's a good speller, she reads like a champ, she loves science but doesn't always get the best grades, she's fair at history, and, like her dad, she sucks {royally} at math.

but what she is extraordinary at is being a kid. at being a friend. you wanna go hang out on the playground? pete's your girl. wanna play nintendo ds and watch movies? call my kid. want somebody to fix you some muffin tops and glass of milk and sit on the front porch and watch the world go by? she's a champ at that. she's got the biggest heart and the best smile and the greatest personality. how could that go unrecognized? so what if your kid is good at math and can maintain a 100 in spelling? my kid wants to be your kid's friend even though your kid is a nerd :) and i love her more than anything. so the fact that she sat there through that whole ceremony with a smile on her face and congratulated all of those other kids ... i was really surprised that, like the other teachers, hers didn't just make something up. so i took her home early. and her teacher wouldn't even look me in the eye. you would think that, somewhere along the line, something would have happened - her teacher would be upset with me or something. nope...nothing like that. so that just makes the mystery even bigger. i just don't get it. she's just a kid!

oh, and by the way - you should probably rethink that outfit. i wouldn't even wear that to the mall. in 1994.

round five - DING!

so - i had sinus surgery in december. now i'm right in the middle of my fifth sinus infection post-surgery. i went to visit my ent on friday...and he wants to "do a culture".

again.

so...they squirt this numbing solution up both sides of my nose. and wait. within minutes, i can no longer feel my nose or the roof of my mouth. as fun as this may sound, trust me - its SO NOT.

he comes back in and attaches the gay thingie to his head with the lamp and mirror on it - you know, the thing they always put in doctor kits, but you've never REALLY seen a doctor wear? well, my gay ass doctor wears it. then he sticks the scope dealie up my nose. which, really, is no big deal, because i've been down this road before...a few times. but here comes the culture part. and its no picnic. but he's feeling frisky today, and he sticks it so far up my nose i swear to santa clause i think its going to come out of my fucking eyeball.

and then - we're done. you would think after all of that violation, i would get some sort of gratification - orgasmically speaking...nah. i don't even get any good drugs. we have to wait to see if it "grows anything". eew!

meanwhile, my nose wants to be taken out to dinner.

wow - its been a hott minute

i've got some wierd mutation of the monkey pox, so i'm gonna make this update quick -

i'm married!
i've got a step-daughter!
my own daughter is now -10-!!

wierd, right??

when i'm not on my death bed, i'll be back up and running :)