my love is home

ack!

i know, I KNOW, i'm in trouble because i haven't posted in awhile. but my husband is coming home for r&r and i have been running around absolutely crazy trying to get everything ready. we're going away for a mini honeymoon, just the two of us, then the week after we're taking our girls out of town for a mini family vacay. so i've had to get everything together for him so he wouldn't have to bring it back home from iraq - and then take it back AGAIN...plus get the house ready, blah blah blah. and do it all without having a FUCKING NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!!

can i have a valium with a vodka chaser, please?

they keep pushing his flight back - he should have been here this weekend, but now he might not be here until maybe NEXT weekend. so he's very stressed out. and its hard to keep a man calm who's on the other side of the world...and armed. :)

valium...vodka...PLEASE...??

did i mention that i'm surprising him at the airport with anyone and everyone i can get there? he thinks its just going to be me there. but nope, he deserves better than that. his mom and sisters and their spouses, his daughter, my daughter, my family, his nieces and nephew, friends from church...our friends. ANYONE who i can POSSIBLY get to be there that has supported us through this mess is going to be there to greet him when he steps off that plane because he deserves it. but its hard as hell to organize that when i have no friggin idea when he's going to be home...stupid ass war.

VALIUM...VODKA...NOW!!!

love you all...

some people will do anything for a little spark

so, the hubster called today to check on me.

i gave him the usual updates - everyone is doing fine, we love you, we miss you, and we can't wait to see you when you come home. so - he proceeds to tell me how HIS fourth went.

i'll tell you now - the fourth of july is his FAVORITE holiday - bar none.

they didn't have any fireworks. so what did they do? they went on top of the grainerie and shot off flares.

*hee hee*

the man i'm proud to call my husband

i met the most wonderful man in the world when i was very young - i was in high school. to hear him tell it, he had a crush on me, even back then. i, however, had a boyfriend.

fast forward about twelve years, and here we are. thanks to the beauty of myspace, we reconnected because we are both registered as alums with our high school. three months later, we were married by a judge in a court room. 28 days after that, he deployed to iraq.

i knew on our first date that he was the one for me. i wanted to stare into his eyes all night long. i never wanted to leave his side. we had a long distance relationship before - and after - our marriage. he drove from fort hood to fort worth almost every weekend for three months.

he has a daughter that is two weeks older than my daughter, and our girls are the very best of friends. i couldn't believe my luck. this wonderful man and this beautiful little girl completed my family. he has formed a very special bond with my daughter. she has never before told another man, other than her own father, that she loves him. and she very rarely says it to her own father. but she speaks it very freely with him, and he feels like she is his own.

he gives me not only everything i want, but he gives me everything i have ever needed in a relationship - and he doesn't even know it. i don't even have to speak it. he just knows. i've never known a love like this, and i am so grateful for him.

so, on this father's day - so many fathers are overseas fighting in a war that no longer makes sense to me. only now, one of those fathers is also my husband. please - while you are holding your children and kissing them goodnight, and they are telling you happy father's day - say a prayer for those fathers that are unable to wrap their own arms around their own children. and say a prayer for those children who have lost their dads in this war.

i love you, blake.

come home soon.

stupid is as stupid does

so the other day i'm driving around the corner to pick up my daughter from daycare and i drive up on a car accident that has just taken place. one car is on its side and the other is in the grass on the opposite side of the street. i used to be a paramedic - so i figure i better stop and check it out - make sure no one is seriously injured before the real people show up. {now before this happens, i take off my name badge - i don't stop often, in fact hardly ever, and i don't want anyone to know my name or where they can find me later}.

so i'm across the street from this car on its side still when i notice that three other guys are trying to rock it so that its upright again. while the guy is still in it. there's traffic moving, so i yell "guys - you need to wait for the fire department to get here". this big burly dude yells back "I AM FIRE DEPARTMENT". oh shit. here we go.

so i literally run across the street. and i am not a fan of the physical activity. i go stand next to this guy and i say "which fire department do you work for". he stops and looks down at me and says "why?". i say "because a) i want to know which town to never get into a car accident in and b) i want to know which fire chief to call to have your licenses pulled when you break this poor guy's face. this vehicle is not leaking fuel, nor is it on fire - so the three of you need to back off and need to wait for the real emergency personnel to arrive - " why in the hell would anyone in their right mind want to turn a vehicle upright when someone is still in it?? especially someone who says he's with a fire department? cripes!

the other two guys were like "she's right, dude, we need to wait". the big burly dude? didn't have much of a choice...he certainly couldn't right that vehicle on his own.

and i? quietly disappeared when i heard sirens approaching.

renewed purpose

i am drugged. sinuses are causing me great pain.



i have a new purpose in life.



is surfing websites looking for cute icons to put on your husbands myspace a purpose?



surely it is. i am destined for greatness.



case in point?





between that and pestering my sister in law about our next lunch date {someone has to keep me company while my husband is away}, my daytimer is pretty much full.

visit my 2005 blogs...

ok, for some of my long-time readers, you will recall when i went to d/fw airport to greet a group of soldiers returning from iraq on an r&r flight from kuwait city. there are pics on my blog - its in the 2005 archive.

you know what? i'm going back to greet again in a couple of months. only this time - i'll be greeting my husband.

:)

love you guys.

awards day

i, as a parent, have always hated awards day...i'm not a "soccer mom", i don't like crowds, and i don't socialize with parents. that's just not the way i roll. so going up to the school for awards day is just not my cup of tea. but i always go to support the kids and i love to see the way pete's face lights up when she sees me sitting in the bleachers.

my daughter just finished 4th grade. so this was my 5th awards ceremony. last year was the first time i had ever noticed a kid get left out. this teacher had called up all of her kids to give them some sort of award, except for this one little boy - and he was left sitting in his chair, all by himself. and it broke my heart.

pete has gone to the same school since first grade, and i have seen the same six or seven kids get their names called over and over and over again...but most teachers will make up silly little awards to make sure that each kid gets something, and that no kid gets left out. every other year, my daughter has gotten the art award. she's very creative, very artistic. they don't have an art class, but the teachers have always acknowledged that ability in her. this year? notsomuch. in fact, that little boy from last year was my daughter.

here's the thing. i'm very aware of my daughter's strengths and flaws. i'm not one of those moms who thinks their kid is perfect and should have had her name called ten times. academically, she's fairly average. she's decent. she's a good speller, she reads like a champ, she loves science but doesn't always get the best grades, she's fair at history, and, like her dad, she sucks {royally} at math.

but what she is extraordinary at is being a kid. at being a friend. you wanna go hang out on the playground? pete's your girl. wanna play nintendo ds and watch movies? call my kid. want somebody to fix you some muffin tops and glass of milk and sit on the front porch and watch the world go by? she's a champ at that. she's got the biggest heart and the best smile and the greatest personality. how could that go unrecognized? so what if your kid is good at math and can maintain a 100 in spelling? my kid wants to be your kid's friend even though your kid is a nerd :) and i love her more than anything. so the fact that she sat there through that whole ceremony with a smile on her face and congratulated all of those other kids ... i was really surprised that, like the other teachers, hers didn't just make something up. so i took her home early. and her teacher wouldn't even look me in the eye. you would think that, somewhere along the line, something would have happened - her teacher would be upset with me or something. nope...nothing like that. so that just makes the mystery even bigger. i just don't get it. she's just a kid!

oh, and by the way - you should probably rethink that outfit. i wouldn't even wear that to the mall. in 1994.

round five - DING!

so - i had sinus surgery in december. now i'm right in the middle of my fifth sinus infection post-surgery. i went to visit my ent on friday...and he wants to "do a culture".

again.

so...they squirt this numbing solution up both sides of my nose. and wait. within minutes, i can no longer feel my nose or the roof of my mouth. as fun as this may sound, trust me - its SO NOT.

he comes back in and attaches the gay thingie to his head with the lamp and mirror on it - you know, the thing they always put in doctor kits, but you've never REALLY seen a doctor wear? well, my gay ass doctor wears it. then he sticks the scope dealie up my nose. which, really, is no big deal, because i've been down this road before...a few times. but here comes the culture part. and its no picnic. but he's feeling frisky today, and he sticks it so far up my nose i swear to santa clause i think its going to come out of my fucking eyeball.

and then - we're done. you would think after all of that violation, i would get some sort of gratification - orgasmically speaking...nah. i don't even get any good drugs. we have to wait to see if it "grows anything". eew!

meanwhile, my nose wants to be taken out to dinner.

wow - its been a hott minute

i've got some wierd mutation of the monkey pox, so i'm gonna make this update quick -

i'm married!
i've got a step-daughter!
my own daughter is now -10-!!

wierd, right??

when i'm not on my death bed, i'll be back up and running :)

so where have i been?

trying to get my head on straight? trying to feel better? trying to get well? to all of these questions, yes. and then some. healing is a never-ending process, i have learned. i've grown tired of the setbacks. i'm slowly pushing the cobwebs from my mind and moving onward through the fog.

i have a new, permanent job in an office that does not require me to travel to zap my patients! woot! that makes me happy. i work with great people. its just great.

love life still kinda sucks...but i'll deal with that as it comes.

i wonder if i will ever really belong to someone again...or if i will always seem to be floating around aimlessly in the wind.

tell me - what is new with you guys?

i'm back i'm back i'm back

i'll get going here in the next couple of hours...but i'm back.

www.myspace.com/sparkydiva

hugs and kisses - i've missed you guys

b

i'm still here

hey, guys.

i haven't fallen off of the planet - i promise. i've been not-well, and spending a lot of time at my mother's. i'll be back soon, as soon as all of this is taken care of and i'm back of my proverbial feet again...keep your fingers crossed, and say a few prayers for me.

to all of my girls that i've "met" through miss jen *and jen* - i miss bantering with you guys. i think of you often, and i'll be back soon.

b

coming soon to a blog near you...

harvey the wonder dog.

stay tuned...

when?

when do you say enough is enough? that you're tired of the lack of calls? that you're tired of your phone calls not being returned? that you're tired of it taking well into the next day for the plain and simple acknowledgement of YOUR phone call that went unanswered? long distance relationships are a bitch in the first place...when the phone is , temporarily, all you have, you either use it or get stuck in a place like this one.

(yes, guy, i can hear you laughing and i can hear you saying something about karma being a bitch...and it is.)

when, exactly, do you say i'm done?

i'll tell you now - i'm done.

...and work isn't getting any better, either.

BUT I'M STILL FRIGGIN' SMILING!

:o)

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

my constant reminder

i proudly wear this ring. not as a fashion statement, and not to broadcast my faith to the world. i wear this ring to constantly remind myself of who i am and of the path that i have chosen for both my daughter and me. it keeps me grounded and lets me know that i will be ok.

tell me about what keeps you grounded and centered...

fighting for

its been a hectic month. things have changed at my office, and not for the better. i'm hanging in - waiting for it to get better. but there's a limit to my patience - i'm being "courted" by another physician group. if the money's right, i think i'll go. this place where i'm working now is just flat out ridiculous.

i started a relationship with a wonderful man who is very VERY far away. its hard. and, at times, its really not even that pleasant. i don't know where this is going - if anywhere. we just can't seem to get it together. patience is not a virtue that i posess.

i will be thirty *gasp* in less than a month. i'm a thirty-year-old divorcee'. i'm a single mom. i, physically, am dating no one. i even have a friggin cat. this is NOT how my life was supposed to turn out.

sorry to be such a downer, you guys...its just where i'm at right now. i think i've lost sight of what i'm supposed to be fighting for.

here i am

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

well...

i wish i had a river i could skate away on.

more when i'm ... me again.

~b